I received a very unexpected hug from a friend last Tuesday. It was so needed.
Latley, I've been really stressed out with trying to figure out my student loan stuff and health insurance stuff. No, I'm not having to begin repaying loans right now and yes, I do have health insurance. But, navigating those two systems to make sure all of the paperwork is done correctly takes more than a college degree. I'm learning so much about the day-to-day struggles of the average adult, and I'm so thankful for this opportunity for knowledge and experience.
In one hand is the world of health insurance and my teeny-tiny existence in the cosmos of endless red tape. One of the goals set for me during the week of orientation by this volunteer program is that by the end of the service term, I should be in control of my health insurance and understand how it works. Well, I'm not quite there yet, but man am I working towards it! Lots of phone conversations with my doctor, my insurance company, and wise, seasoned adults are preparing me to not only deal with the present but also future management of the economical and political aspects of my health.
In the other hand is the equally complicated world of student loans. Calculating when to pay who and how much, or if and how I can seek deferment may seem simple enough because tons of people have gone before me and come out alive, right? Well, like I said before, at times it appears to take more than the education, for which the loan money paid, to navigate the loan/debt system. And wanting to handle it on my own without asking for help was somewhat of a stumbling block, as I currently find myself in a place of financial strain.
So, all of this garble is really getting at the cloud of confusion that's been looming over me for the past few weeks. I think this navigation process is to what people are referring when they talk about "the real world," and how rudely it can awaken us from the slumber we enjoyed for so many years while someone else, usually parents, took care of these details of our lives.
Back to the hug. After a long day of listening (which is often what my mornings consist of doing, because more and more I'm finding that the people who walk through the outreach center door need someone with whom they can share, uninterupted or judged), and an afternoon of slowly putting together a few more peices of the student loan puzzle, I left my office and headed home. It must have been obvious from my demeanor that I was carrying a heavy burden because no one tried to talk to me and even if they smiled I probably didn't notice, as I had my head down, staring deep into the sidewalk cracks, wondering what kind of mess I'd gotten myself into with all of these loans. As I approached the train station, I heard someone yell, "You just walked right past me!" I, of course, assumed they were not talking to me and kept going. Then I heard the same voice say, "Ms. Jenkins, you walked right past me." At this point I stopped and turned back. When I looked up, I saw Gino walking towards me. He stretched out his long arms and gave me an enormous hug. I told him I was sorry I hadn't seen him and that I was stressed out. I'm not sure if that's what I meant to say, but that's what came out when I opened my mouth, and he responded by saying, "Well I thought you were because you looked a little down." Continuing to walk, I thanked him for the hug and he said, "It was great to see you." As soon as I turned from him, I broke into tears. I had been holding back, trying not to cry, but he seemed to say with his hug, "go ahead, it's alright to cry." It was one of those surreal moments that I will cherish, in which I saw and felt God.
Gino came back into the outreach center today, and when I saw him in the lobby he said that he had come to check up on me. I told him several times how thankful I was to have seen him at the train station that day and that I was so grateful for the hug. He just smiled.
I've heard other stories very similar to the one I told, but something about other stories often bothers me. At first the other stories seem the same; however, one thing is different. Several story-tellers will point out that their friend is homeless and less fortunate and how surprising it is that she or he is able to be there and offer something, like a hug, at such a crucial moment.
Now, I didn't mention in my account that Gino is a guest of the outreach center, or that he is currently homeless. Although these details are a part of his life, they didn't seem relevant to my story, except that we know each other through our interactions at the center. And I was not at all surprised that Gino was able to offer me a hug and be such a peaceful and calming presence. The experience was one of simple beauty, of friendship offered and received at just the right moment. And I feel blessed to be the recipient of that hug.
